A Journey to Love

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I had great plans for this summer. It was going to be three months of unscheduled, relaxing bliss before diving into the business of fall. Umm, yeah...not so much. It started with a Memorial Weekend Camp out with the extended family and their extended family. We went to our local Santa Margarita Lake to celebrate cousins Wyatt, Weston, and Walker's birthday, as well as their dad, Uncle Ray's birthday. Yep, all four of their special days fall within six weeks of each other. So each night we sang happy birthday to at least one person, opened presents, and devoured sweet treats in their honor. It was tough, but we managed to get through it. :) In mid June, Benjamin was honored to be a part of my cousin Taylor's wedding to Kevin. He made such a cute ring bearer and it was just precious watching him pull the wagon his daddy made as a teenager down the aisle. The day was magical and filled with love and promise and hope. One week later, we loaded up the camper again and too...

Dear Benjamin, Last week, you turned four years old. I can't believe it's been that long since the very first day I met you. As cliche as it might be, it truly seems like yesterday I held you for the first time and anxiously awaited your first cries, signalling to me that you were okay. (You were.) Though our first days at home are a bit blurry, I clearly remember the overwhelming love I had for you from the minute we made eye contact. Do you know that love, Benjamin? Do you see it? Do you know how often I think of you, worry about you, pray for you? One of my favorite things to do is daydream about your future and reminisce about your past. It's been a hard year, between your last birthday and this one, for you and I, so I've relied on these mental escapes, as well as never-ceasing prayer to get us through. You see, Benjamin, you've got a couple of things going against you. You are my first born, which means you are the guinea pig, so to speak. I've never...

It was only supposed to be a four-week bible study . To be brutally honest, I was only going because I had heard it was about getting your house and schedule organized. I figured it would be a Martha-Stewart-meets-Jesus kind of thing. Count me in! I convinced Nathan that my being gone for the next four Tuesday evenings would greatly benefit our entire household. However, it was so much more than how to keep a tidy home. The title was "From the Inside Out...lining up your head, heart, and home with God's priorities for your life." To read more about how that study impacted my world, click here . Let it suffice to say that it really made me re-think my priorities and lit a fire in me to actually make some changes in my day-to-day living...not just think about them, but actually do them. So as the four weeks came to a close, I learned that the next six weeks of Tuesday Night Bible Study would be a Beth Moore DVD series on the book of James in the Bible. ...

Two weeks ago when I picked Benjamin up from school, one of his teachers met me at the door. "I need to talk to you about Benjamin," she said. Uh-oh. Those are usually not the words you want to hear as a parent. I braced myself. "He's not bad or anything. He isn't hitting other kids or anything like that," she started out. Well, that's good, right? I relaxed a tiny bit. "It's just that, well, he's the leader of the class," she continued. Really? The leader? I'd be lying if I didn't swell with pride at that moment. My kid, the leader! So, uh, what's the problem here? Leading is good, yes? "We like that he's the leader and all, and most of the time it's great...the kids all do what he says..." (Yes! That's my boy!) "...but last week a new student came into the class and Benjamin decided he didn't like him, so now none of the other children will play with this new little boy." Oh. The...

I taught Benjamin how to dial 911 in case there is ever an emergency in our home. He is so proud of himself for knowing how to do it, as am I. Let's just hope he never has to actually use these new skills...

Here's a little clip of some of the baby signs Brayden can do (and also just some of his general cuteness :)...

March and April have been busy in our household. Benjamin started preschool two days a week, which he absolutely loves. It's so fun to listen to his stories about his days away from me, even though his stock answer when we ask him what he did that day is "I don't know!" After a little coaxing, we are able to get a general idea of his day's activities, such as painting (I love when he brings home artwork!), games (he taught Nathan and I how to play leap frog-I had to dissuade him from playing with baby brother.) and snack...we always hear about snack. I think it's his favorite part of school. Benjamin is still attending Awanas each Wednesday evening and I so enjoy listening to him sing "Jesus Loves Me" while eating dinner, taking a bath, playing with his toys, and even while going potty. It truly warms my heart. Nathan has been taking a welding class at Cuesta two nights a week, which he thoroughly enjoys. Even though it keeps him away from home mo...

It hit me tonight. Benjamin is growing up. There are so many things he can do on his own now and it seems that he has mastered a ton of them all in the last week. Here is just a sampling of his new found independence: He can get dressed and undressed by himself (fasteners are a little tricky still). Shoes are not a problem anymore (the Velcro ones anyway). Car doors are a piece of cake. He'll even open Brayden's door. Washing hands and face and brushing teeth come second nature to him. (Though I still like to have a turn with the teeth care. And I don't let him comb his beautiful curls himself. :) He can take his helmet on and off himself and is working on buckling his car seat himself, too. He can now reach all the light switches in the house, which leads me to... He has chores: Turning off all the lights before we leave Feeding Sadie twice a day Setting and clearing the dinner table While I love watching him learn all these new skills, it is a little bittersw...

I don't know quite what to do with myself this morning. My youngest child is napping and my oldest child is at his first day of preschool. I told Benjamin almost two months ago that I had signed him up for Little Hounds, a preschool put on by the Child Development class at the local high school, and he has been excited ever since. Every day he would ask me, "Is it March yet, Mom?" because he knew that once March arrived, he would get to start school. As soon as he got out of bed this morning, he announced that he was ready. I smiled and asked him if he might want some breakfast first. "I guess so," he replied. After finishing his bagel, getting dressed, brushing his hair and teeth (which was not accompanied by the usual tears and frustration...from either of us!) it was finally time. When we arrived, he walked right in, put his lunch box and jacket in his cubby, paused to give me a hug goodbye, and then he was off. To say that he was excited is a gross underst...

The shock has worn off a bit. I can think about other things. I can recount it without crying. Yet, if I allow myself to mentally go back just three days ago to those few minutes in the cold ocean water, I can hear my children's cries again, I can taste the salt water, I can see the tears in Laura's eyes and for a moment my heart is gripped in fear as I think about what could have been. This was the first (and hopefully the last) real dangerous situation I've ever been in. I've never sincerely had the words "I might die" cross my mind and plant themselves there. But three days ago, in the frigid Pacific ocean, while being tossed to and fro by the waves and the current, it hit me: I had absolutely no control over what was going to happen. I was at the mercy of God and the ocean and it was that thought that makes me weep. Why? Why did the thought of being completely at the mercy of God grip me with fear? Aren't I always at the mercy of God? He can choos...

As I laid my children in bed tonight, I held on to them for an extra minute in a moment of prayer, thanking God for giving me another evening to embrace them. You see, I almost lost them today. It was supposed to be a fun afternoon at the beach. Laura and I wanted to take advantage of the unseasonably warm weather so we packed up the kids and headed to Avila for a little fun in the sun. The clouds and the cold wind should have been our first warning. We hit the sand anyway, not wanting to disappoint the kids. After a short stint of boogie boarding (nine year old Wyatt and his fourteen year old buddy Tim) and seashell searching (Weston (4) and Ben), the gang asked to explore the tide pools. So the group of us headed that way, Laura carrying 9 month old Walker in the front pack, Brayden on my hip, the little boys at our sides. Wyatt and Tim ran on ahead. Now at Avila, just before you get to the tide pools, it becomes necessary to cross a little inlet of water. It w...

I have figured out that there are standard questions that people ask you after major events take place in your life: After engagement: "So have you set a wedding date?" After wedding: "So when are you going to start having babies?" After pregnancy: "So when are you due?" After birth of first child: "So how soon do you want to have your next child?" After birth of second child: "So are you done or do you want more kids?" It's like nobody lets you enjoy the moment you are in and instead they are pushing you to always think about what comes next because there is always something better around the corner. Though nothing is set in stone, I am fairly confident when I tell family, friends, and complete strangers (yep, random people in the grocery store have even asked) that Nathan and I feel complete as a family of four. Even when they question our decision ("Really? You don't want to try for a girl?") I can honestly ...

Have you ever just wanted to be more ? More kind, more organized, more fit & healthy, more efficient, more fun, more relaxed, more clean, more money savvy, more self-disciplined? Or maybe your adjective isn't more but instead it's better . A better cook, better friend, better mother, better spouse, better Christian, better runner/tennis player/insert-sport-here, better employee, better steward...the list of what I wish I could be more of and better at goes on and on. Yet the other day as I was contemplating that list, I prayed out loud to God, "God, I just want to be ENOUGH." He responded back to me, "Allison, my dear child, you ARE enough for ME. Rest in that." Oh, okay. Done. Well, not really. Because I am a sinner and one of my biggest downfalls-errr, let's say growth areas --is self-criticism. Nobody is harder on me than myself. I have ridiculously high expectations for myself and when I don't meet them, I spiral into a depression that han...

Apparently Brayden thought that since he turned one last week, he needed to learn a few things, like right now . In the span of one week, he has taken his first steps, learned six baby signs, drank milk from a cup, began pointing at items that he wants and refusing things he doesn't (cookies, yes, broccoli, no) , and attempts to put shoes on his feet and hats on his head. Okay, Brayden, I know I said that I would try not to hold on to you too tightly as you left the baby stage and entered toddlerhood, but you gotta meet me halfway here, kid. Slow down on the growing up, already!

Flying to Heaven   Ben: "What does 'dying' mean?" Me: "When your body quits working on Earth and your spirit goes up to Heaven to be with Jesus." Ben: "Does God have a helicoptor?" Me: "I don't know. Why do you ask?" Ben: "Because we can't walk or drive to Heaven!" Cheap Date Ben: "Why aren't you eating dinner with me and Brayden, Mommy?" Me: "Because Mommy and Daddy are going on a dinner date." Ben: "Oh. When I grow up, I'm going to go on a snack date!" Me: "A snack date, huh? What will you eat on your snack date?" Ben: "Peanut butter crackers!"

Dear Brayden, You turn one year old today! If I thought your brother's first year went by fast, then your's positively moved at light speed. Wasn't it just last week that we were meeting you for the first time? I guess it has been a whole year since that day and my, have you grown! 1 week 1 month 2 months 3 months 4 months 5 months 6 months 7 months 8 months 9 months 10 months 11 months 12 months Your first year has brought us joyful days and sleepless nights. You have provided endless entertainment for your big brother and sweet snuggles for your Mommy and Daddy. You love to be held and while at times it has been a bit inconvenient to do so (such as dinner time or 11:00 at night), I treasure the fact that my touch can calm and console you. I call you my little woodpecker, because when you are in a silly mood, you will peck at my shoulder like a little bird. You are a ticklish little boy and laugh so hard when we give you rasberries on your tummy. You h...