MY PRIORITIES

Have you ever just wanted to be more? More kind, more organized, more fit & healthy, more efficient, more fun, more relaxed, more clean, more money savvy, more self-disciplined? Or maybe your adjective isn't more but instead it's better. A better cook, better friend, better mother, better spouse, better Christian, better runner/tennis player/insert-sport-here, better employee, better steward...the list of what I wish I could be more of and better at goes on and on. Yet the other day as I was contemplating that list, I prayed out loud to God, "God, I just want to be ENOUGH." He responded back to me, "Allison, my dear child, you ARE enough for ME. Rest in that." Oh, okay. Done.

Well, not really. Because I am a sinner and one of my biggest downfalls-errr, let's say growth areas--is self-criticism. Nobody is harder on me than myself. I have ridiculously high expectations for myself and when I don't meet them, I spiral into a depression that hangs over me like that proverbial dark cloud. This past year my home has been filled with the rain drops and lightening bolts of said cloud. The rain comes in the form of tear drops and the strikes of lightening appear as loud, harsh words from my mouth in moments of frustration and anger that appear as suddenly as a freak storm. My constant quest to be more and better has left me feeling overwhelmed with life and I just can't take it any more. Something has got to change.

I am currently a part of a ladies Bible study at ABC that is titled "From the Inside Out...lining up your head, heart, and home with God's priorities for you life." The first week, Robin defined the term insanity for us: doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. Well, send me to the loony bin, because I am definitely insane! Robin continued, "Let's inject some sanity into our lives! Let's PRAY for different results and purpose to do things differently!"

My first step: Write out what my priorities are. I decided that if I listed everything I would fall into the same trap I always do-get overwhelmed and not do anything. So instead I focused on the top three. I also detailed out just what that particular priority would look like to me and what it would take to make it happen. Here is what my sheet looked like when I was done:

MY PRIORITIES

• A peaceful home 
• kind words, routine, positive attitude, organization...yes!
• yelling, too many unscheduled days, negativity, clutter...no!
• how? prayer for self-discipline, earlier bedtime for myself (for patience and energy during the day), make a calendar & follow it, schedule in fun activities for all (to keep morale up)
• Scheduled Spiritual Time
• Can include, but not limited to, reading bible, catching up on missed sermons, prayer, reading a spiritual book
• how? consistently put the boys down for a nap at the same time so I can have un-interrupted time. Start small (15 minutes) and then build up. Create a space in the home for this time. Make a "bible basket" where I keep all my "quiet time" materials. Put this time on the family schedule.
• Financial Peace
• Make-and stick to!-a budget.
• Biweekly budget meetings with Nathan
• Track spending
• how? prayer for self-discipline, constant attention, set up excel docs to facilitate ease of tracking.

My next step was to find a few key verses that I could meditate on through my journey to help me stay focused and also to write out a prayer to God to keep me on the right path. This is what I wrote:

Hebrews 12:11

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Galations 6:9

Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. (emphasis mine)

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans for good and not for evil, to give you hope and a future.

My Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

I can not do this alone! I need you, God, to come along side me and push me to "not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in [my] power to do it." (Proverbs 3:27) I long to create a home that is pleasing to you, God-a home filled with peace and love...a true reflection of You. So put blinders on me, so I will not be distracted with things that do not matter, but instead will "let all things be done decently and in order." (1 Cor 14:40) Give me the strength, wisdom, and courage I need to become the woman You intend me to be. Amen.