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I Don't Know!

I have figured out that there are standard questions that people ask you after major events take place in your life:

After engagement: "So have you set a wedding date?"
After wedding: "So when are you going to start having babies?"
After pregnancy: "So when are you due?"
After birth of first child: "So how soon do you want to have your next child?"
After birth of second child: "So are you done or do you want more kids?"

It's like nobody lets you enjoy the moment you are in and instead they are pushing you to always think about what comes next because there is always something better around the corner. Though nothing is set in stone, I am fairly confident when I tell family, friends, and complete strangers (yep, random people in the grocery store have even asked) that Nathan and I feel complete as a family of four. Even when they question our decision ("Really? You don't want to try for a girl?") I can honestly say that I am completely satisfied with our two precious boys.

But then I hear the news of a friend's pregnancy and I waver. I see someones facebook status announcing "It's a boy!" and I waver. I pick up an adorable pair of Vans shoes the size of my thumb and I waver. I smell a newborn's baby-fine hair and I waver.

You see, I have always had a plan for my life. I would go to college, become a teacher, get married, have children, and live happily ever after (naturally). I've always been fairly confident in my decisions and plans and usually know what is coming around the corner. Married? Check. Baby #1? Check. Baby #2: Check. More kids? No. Yes. No. Maybe. I don't know! Stop asking me!!

I have no idea how to conclude this blog post, because I don't know the conclusion. Not knowing is very uncomfortable for me, and my usual M.O. is to force a decision. However, I'm going to try something new here and instead attempt to relish in the uncertainty and trust that God knows the answer and will reveal it to me when I am ready. Considering that patience and submission are not my strong suit, this particular task is going to be harder than it sounds. Here goes nothing.

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