A Journey to Love

The shock has worn off a bit. I can think about other things. I can recount it without crying. Yet, if I allow myself to mentally go back just three days ago to those few minutes in the cold ocean water, I can hear my children's cries again, I can taste the salt water, I can see the tears in Laura's eyes and for a moment my heart is gripped in fear as I think about what could have been. This was the first (and hopefully the last) real dangerous situation I've ever been in. I've never sincerely had the words "I might die" cross my mind and plant themselves there. But three days ago, in the frigid Pacific ocean, while being tossed to and fro by the waves and the current, it hit me: I had absolutely no control over what was going to happen. I was at the mercy of God and the ocean and it was that thought that makes me weep. Why? Why did the thought of being completely at the mercy of God grip me with fear? Aren't I always at the mercy of God? He can choos...

As I laid my children in bed tonight, I held on to them for an extra minute in a moment of prayer, thanking God for giving me another evening to embrace them. You see, I almost lost them today. It was supposed to be a fun afternoon at the beach. Laura and I wanted to take advantage of the unseasonably warm weather so we packed up the kids and headed to Avila for a little fun in the sun. The clouds and the cold wind should have been our first warning. We hit the sand anyway, not wanting to disappoint the kids. After a short stint of boogie boarding (nine year old Wyatt and his fourteen year old buddy Tim) and seashell searching (Weston (4) and Ben), the gang asked to explore the tide pools. So the group of us headed that way, Laura carrying 9 month old Walker in the front pack, Brayden on my hip, the little boys at our sides. Wyatt and Tim ran on ahead. Now at Avila, just before you get to the tide pools, it becomes necessary to cross a little inlet of water. It w...

I have figured out that there are standard questions that people ask you after major events take place in your life: After engagement: "So have you set a wedding date?" After wedding: "So when are you going to start having babies?" After pregnancy: "So when are you due?" After birth of first child: "So how soon do you want to have your next child?" After birth of second child: "So are you done or do you want more kids?" It's like nobody lets you enjoy the moment you are in and instead they are pushing you to always think about what comes next because there is always something better around the corner. Though nothing is set in stone, I am fairly confident when I tell family, friends, and complete strangers (yep, random people in the grocery store have even asked) that Nathan and I feel complete as a family of four. Even when they question our decision ("Really? You don't want to try for a girl?") I can honestly ...

Have you ever just wanted to be more ? More kind, more organized, more fit & healthy, more efficient, more fun, more relaxed, more clean, more money savvy, more self-disciplined? Or maybe your adjective isn't more but instead it's better . A better cook, better friend, better mother, better spouse, better Christian, better runner/tennis player/insert-sport-here, better employee, better steward...the list of what I wish I could be more of and better at goes on and on. Yet the other day as I was contemplating that list, I prayed out loud to God, "God, I just want to be ENOUGH." He responded back to me, "Allison, my dear child, you ARE enough for ME. Rest in that." Oh, okay. Done. Well, not really. Because I am a sinner and one of my biggest downfalls-errr, let's say growth areas --is self-criticism. Nobody is harder on me than myself. I have ridiculously high expectations for myself and when I don't meet them, I spiral into a depression that han...

Apparently Brayden thought that since he turned one last week, he needed to learn a few things, like right now . In the span of one week, he has taken his first steps, learned six baby signs, drank milk from a cup, began pointing at items that he wants and refusing things he doesn't (cookies, yes, broccoli, no) , and attempts to put shoes on his feet and hats on his head. Okay, Brayden, I know I said that I would try not to hold on to you too tightly as you left the baby stage and entered toddlerhood, but you gotta meet me halfway here, kid. Slow down on the growing up, already!

Flying to Heaven   Ben: "What does 'dying' mean?" Me: "When your body quits working on Earth and your spirit goes up to Heaven to be with Jesus." Ben: "Does God have a helicoptor?" Me: "I don't know. Why do you ask?" Ben: "Because we can't walk or drive to Heaven!" Cheap Date Ben: "Why aren't you eating dinner with me and Brayden, Mommy?" Me: "Because Mommy and Daddy are going on a dinner date." Ben: "Oh. When I grow up, I'm going to go on a snack date!" Me: "A snack date, huh? What will you eat on your snack date?" Ben: "Peanut butter crackers!"

Dear Brayden, You turn one year old today! If I thought your brother's first year went by fast, then your's positively moved at light speed. Wasn't it just last week that we were meeting you for the first time? I guess it has been a whole year since that day and my, have you grown! 1 week 1 month 2 months 3 months 4 months 5 months 6 months 7 months 8 months 9 months 10 months 11 months 12 months Your first year has brought us joyful days and sleepless nights. You have provided endless entertainment for your big brother and sweet snuggles for your Mommy and Daddy. You love to be held and while at times it has been a bit inconvenient to do so (such as dinner time or 11:00 at night), I treasure the fact that my touch can calm and console you. I call you my little woodpecker, because when you are in a silly mood, you will peck at my shoulder like a little bird. You are a ticklish little boy and laugh so hard when we give you rasberries on your tummy. You h...