Benjamin grew up and left the nest this month.
Ok, so he only started attending Awana's, but it was a big deal in our household. Awana's is a weekly club for kids to lead them to trust Christ for salvation and grow them in enduring faith and service to God. I attended when I was a child, so I was excited to learn that this year Ben was old enough to start the Cubbies program. However, I was not prepared for the anxiety I would experience when the time came to actually drop him off.
Aside from the church nursery, I have never left Benjamin with people I didn't know. Even when leaving him in the nurseries at church, Nathan and I were just mere yards away in the sanctuary, able to be summoned in an instant should our little boy need us. When in the care of a babysitter, it is always a family member or close friend who is watching over him. Every time I leave him, I know without a doubt that he will be safe and happy while we are apart.
Taking him to Awana's was different. I realized that this would be the first time I took Benjamin to a new place, with new people (strangers!), and then leave him there. By himself (meaning without me, because in actuality, there were a ton of other kids and staff members there too, of course). As I walked him down the hall to his classroom, I found myself thinking, "This is insane. I can't leave him here. He's only three years old! He needs me!" At that precise moment, he said to me, "Mom, I don't need you to hold my hand anymore," and then proceeded to pull his precious little hand out of mine. Ouch.
Before I knew it, he was entering the classroom and acting like he'd been coming there all his life. I signed him in and then had to search for him to say goodbye. I thought he might protest a bit, wanting me to stay, but no. He tossed out a carefree "Bye, Mom!" and continued rolling out his green playdough. I had to ask three times for a hug before he relented and gave me a quick squeeze. I walked out the door with a lump in my throat and made it all the way to the car before allowing a solitary tear to roll down my cheek. As I drove away, I asked God to keep my little boy safe and then I watched the clock until it was time to pick him back up to bring him home.
I had just left, but I already missed him.
Ok, so he only started attending Awana's, but it was a big deal in our household. Awana's is a weekly club for kids to lead them to trust Christ for salvation and grow them in enduring faith and service to God. I attended when I was a child, so I was excited to learn that this year Ben was old enough to start the Cubbies program. However, I was not prepared for the anxiety I would experience when the time came to actually drop him off.
Aside from the church nursery, I have never left Benjamin with people I didn't know. Even when leaving him in the nurseries at church, Nathan and I were just mere yards away in the sanctuary, able to be summoned in an instant should our little boy need us. When in the care of a babysitter, it is always a family member or close friend who is watching over him. Every time I leave him, I know without a doubt that he will be safe and happy while we are apart.
Taking him to Awana's was different. I realized that this would be the first time I took Benjamin to a new place, with new people (strangers!), and then leave him there. By himself (meaning without me, because in actuality, there were a ton of other kids and staff members there too, of course). As I walked him down the hall to his classroom, I found myself thinking, "This is insane. I can't leave him here. He's only three years old! He needs me!" At that precise moment, he said to me, "Mom, I don't need you to hold my hand anymore," and then proceeded to pull his precious little hand out of mine. Ouch.
Before I knew it, he was entering the classroom and acting like he'd been coming there all his life. I signed him in and then had to search for him to say goodbye. I thought he might protest a bit, wanting me to stay, but no. He tossed out a carefree "Bye, Mom!" and continued rolling out his green playdough. I had to ask three times for a hug before he relented and gave me a quick squeeze. I walked out the door with a lump in my throat and made it all the way to the car before allowing a solitary tear to roll down my cheek. As I drove away, I asked God to keep my little boy safe and then I watched the clock until it was time to pick him back up to bring him home.
I had just left, but I already missed him.
Comments
Post a Comment