Skip to main content

Defeated

I don't like my three year old.

There. I said it. Horrible, isn't it?

Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love Benjamin. He is my first born son and I would gladly step in front of a moving vehicle to protect him. I would lay down my life for him in an instant. He is my pride and joy. But right now, in this season we are going through, he is not a joy to be around.

He is stubborn. He is prideful. He insists on getting his own way and when he doesn't he yells and screams bloody murder. He runs away from me. He does the exact opposite of what I tell him to do. He pushes my buttons and tests every boundary. Every single day is a battle with him and I just don't know how many days I can keep going to war.

I feel like a failure as a mother. I know parenting is hard. I get that. But should everyday be filled with tears, arguments, time-outs, spankings, yelling matches, and threats of punishment? The guilt that weighs on me is immense. I feel like I could drown from the weight of it...or perhaps it's my own tears that I am drowning in. I have wanted to be a mother for so long, but now that I am, I wonder if I should have been at all. Perhaps I am not cut out for this job. I was always confident that I would be a great mom. Now, I'm not so sure.

Now, I just feel defeated.

Comments

  1. I am Katy,August 20, 2011 at 11:59 AM

    {HUGS} Been there! You're right, it is a season. You'll like him again, I promise. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sarah GriffinOctober 3, 2011 at 10:30 AM

    Thank you for writing this... we are going thru it with Brody too. Preschool is helping some, he is loving it and I needed it for my sanity. Sad, huh? Three is just a rotten age, you are still a great mother. Only ten more months til they turn 4! Hang in there! ;)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Feeling the Love

My last post was, um...shall we say a bit...depressing? The truth is, I was not in a good place when I wrote that and I hadn't been in quite awhile. After publishing that entry, I stared at it on my computer screen and finally recognized it for what it was...a cry for help. So that same night I emailed some of my closest friends and laid it all out there. Here is a brief excerpt from that email: "I need a friend. I am desperately lonely, so I am reaching out to you ladies. I know that everyone is busy. We all have children, husbands, and homes that need tending, but personally, in my efforts to take care of those precious things, I am losing myself. So I am putting friendship on the priority list and humbly asking you to be my friend...We all need a little help sometimes. I'm finally putting aside my pride and asking for it. I hope to hear from you soon." Then I waited. For some reason I was so nervous about what the responses would be! I think that everyone wo...
1 comment
Read more

Potty Training: Day 4

So technically we should be completely potty trained by now, considering I followed a three day method. However, upon further reading of that said method, I realized two things: one, it said that the child should be at least 22 months of age and Benjamin isn't quite 21 months old yet. Oops. Also, it did not factor in the vomiting-diarreah scenario, which we were so lucky to experience this weekend (can you hear the sarcasm?). However, the book did say not to stop for any reason, so we plugged along. So how is he doing? Well, he hasn't worn a diaper since Thursday at 2:30 pm. Out of 23 times of-ahem- relieving himself, 12 times were done on the toilet. That is over a 50% success rate, people! Give it up for the little, not-quite-even-21-months, guy! Obviously, he is not 100% potty trained. He peed in his underwear this afternoon, but this time he told me just as he started to go. An hour later he told me before he needed to urinate and we made it to the toilet where he c...
Post a Comment
Read more

Must Be Doing Something Right

Emily Post would be so proud of Benjamin. Nathan and I firmly believe that children need to always be polite and respectful so when he was just mere months old we started teaching him those two crucial words: Please and Thank you (I guess that's actually three words.) It started (and continues) with modeling. His smiles would elicit an excited "Thank you!" from us beaming parents. We would kindly (or sometimes through gritted teeth) ask him if he would please stop crying so we could all get some sleep. When he would sign for some cheerios, I would say to him, "Cereal please?" After I gave it to him, I'd say "Thank you, Mommy." Pretty soon he was signing the words back and a short while later actually saying them when prompted. However, now we don't even have to prompt him (most of the time). When he asks for something he tacks on "Pease." He responds with a sweet "Thank-oo". It melts my heart when I do something for him...
Post a Comment
Read more