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Defeated

I don't like my three year old.

There. I said it. Horrible, isn't it?

Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love Benjamin. He is my first born son and I would gladly step in front of a moving vehicle to protect him. I would lay down my life for him in an instant. He is my pride and joy. But right now, in this season we are going through, he is not a joy to be around.

He is stubborn. He is prideful. He insists on getting his own way and when he doesn't he yells and screams bloody murder. He runs away from me. He does the exact opposite of what I tell him to do. He pushes my buttons and tests every boundary. Every single day is a battle with him and I just don't know how many days I can keep going to war.

I feel like a failure as a mother. I know parenting is hard. I get that. But should everyday be filled with tears, arguments, time-outs, spankings, yelling matches, and threats of punishment? The guilt that weighs on me is immense. I feel like I could drown from the weight of it...or perhaps it's my own tears that I am drowning in. I have wanted to be a mother for so long, but now that I am, I wonder if I should have been at all. Perhaps I am not cut out for this job. I was always confident that I would be a great mom. Now, I'm not so sure.

Now, I just feel defeated.

Comments

  1. I am Katy,August 20, 2011 at 11:59 AM

    {HUGS} Been there! You're right, it is a season. You'll like him again, I promise. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sarah GriffinOctober 3, 2011 at 10:30 AM

    Thank you for writing this... we are going thru it with Brody too. Preschool is helping some, he is loving it and I needed it for my sanity. Sad, huh? Three is just a rotten age, you are still a great mother. Only ten more months til they turn 4! Hang in there! ;)

    ReplyDelete

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