This Sunday, we will celebrate my second year of being a mother. However, even though this will be my second Mother's Day, I am thinking of it more like my first. Here's why.
Last year, Nathan was offered an out-of-county assignment in Santa Maria. We can't really afford to turn these calls down, so I encouraged him to take it, even though it meant he would be gone on my first Mother's Day. I am used to him being away on various holidays and family gatherings, simply because that is the nature of his job, which I've known since day one of our relationship. It's never really bothered me before, so I was surprised when I woke up that Sunday really sad that I was alone for my first holiday that celebrated the title that I had waited so long for-"Mom."
Benjamin and I carried on with our plans for the day, which included brunch with Nathan's family. I remember having a slightly difficult time enjoying the meal because Benjamin was just getting to the age when the dining out experience was no longer fun. Plus, it was hard seeing all the other moms with their husbands sitting next to them, helping them with their young children. After leaving the restaurant, I took Benjamin home for a nap and Nathan sent me a text message, telling me that my gift was out in the shed. So I head out there and sure enough, there are two antique windows propped up against the wall. I had been wanting some for interior decorating purposes and he had remembered. As sweet as that was, he had left before he got the chance to clean them up and wrap them, and of course he wasn't there to see my expression when I saw my gift. It kind of took the "oomph" out of the whole experience, if you know what I mean. That's when it hit me just how dissapointed I was that I was alone on my first Mother's Day and I allowed myself to have a good cry and feel sorry for myself for a bit.
That's when Nathan texted me and asked if I was coming down to Santa Maria to spend the evening with him (one of the perks of this particular job assignment.) I had planned on cooking dinner for my own Mom that night, but after realizing just how much I wanted to be with my husband and son on this day, I called her up to see if she would mind postponing our dinner. Being the understanding and kind woman that she is, she gracefully bowed out of our plans. It helped my case that I started crying on the phone while talking to her. For some reason, I always do that when I talk to her about difficult things. Whenever I am sad, I know I can call her and as soon as I say "Hi" she instantly recognizes something is wrong and asks me about it, which starts the flood of tears. Then she patiently waits for me to tell her what is going on and says all the right things to make me feel better. It must just be something about moms that makes us feel safe to show our emotions. I hope my own children feel the same way about me one day.
Anyway, back to my story. So I threw an overnight bag together for Benjamin and I and we high-tailed it to lovely Santa Maria. The three of us went to dinner and then had a nice evening back at the hotel. And that was my first Mother's Day. It started off pretty crummy and ended up okay. So I am really looking forward to this Mother's Day because the three of us will be together and hopefully we will get to just spend time doing something fun as a family. That's all I really want.
Well, okay, Starbucks wouldn't be bad either. ;)
Last year, Nathan was offered an out-of-county assignment in Santa Maria. We can't really afford to turn these calls down, so I encouraged him to take it, even though it meant he would be gone on my first Mother's Day. I am used to him being away on various holidays and family gatherings, simply because that is the nature of his job, which I've known since day one of our relationship. It's never really bothered me before, so I was surprised when I woke up that Sunday really sad that I was alone for my first holiday that celebrated the title that I had waited so long for-"Mom."
Benjamin and I carried on with our plans for the day, which included brunch with Nathan's family. I remember having a slightly difficult time enjoying the meal because Benjamin was just getting to the age when the dining out experience was no longer fun. Plus, it was hard seeing all the other moms with their husbands sitting next to them, helping them with their young children. After leaving the restaurant, I took Benjamin home for a nap and Nathan sent me a text message, telling me that my gift was out in the shed. So I head out there and sure enough, there are two antique windows propped up against the wall. I had been wanting some for interior decorating purposes and he had remembered. As sweet as that was, he had left before he got the chance to clean them up and wrap them, and of course he wasn't there to see my expression when I saw my gift. It kind of took the "oomph" out of the whole experience, if you know what I mean. That's when it hit me just how dissapointed I was that I was alone on my first Mother's Day and I allowed myself to have a good cry and feel sorry for myself for a bit.
That's when Nathan texted me and asked if I was coming down to Santa Maria to spend the evening with him (one of the perks of this particular job assignment.) I had planned on cooking dinner for my own Mom that night, but after realizing just how much I wanted to be with my husband and son on this day, I called her up to see if she would mind postponing our dinner. Being the understanding and kind woman that she is, she gracefully bowed out of our plans. It helped my case that I started crying on the phone while talking to her. For some reason, I always do that when I talk to her about difficult things. Whenever I am sad, I know I can call her and as soon as I say "Hi" she instantly recognizes something is wrong and asks me about it, which starts the flood of tears. Then she patiently waits for me to tell her what is going on and says all the right things to make me feel better. It must just be something about moms that makes us feel safe to show our emotions. I hope my own children feel the same way about me one day.
Anyway, back to my story. So I threw an overnight bag together for Benjamin and I and we high-tailed it to lovely Santa Maria. The three of us went to dinner and then had a nice evening back at the hotel. And that was my first Mother's Day. It started off pretty crummy and ended up okay. So I am really looking forward to this Mother's Day because the three of us will be together and hopefully we will get to just spend time doing something fun as a family. That's all I really want.
Well, okay, Starbucks wouldn't be bad either. ;)
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