A Journey to Love

The shock has worn off a bit. I can think about other things. I can recount it without crying. Yet, if I allow myself to mentally go back just three days ago to those few minutes in the cold ocean water, I can hear my children's cries again, I can taste the salt water, I can see the tears in Laura's eyes and for a moment my heart is gripped in fear as I think about what could have been. This was the first (and hopefully the last) real dangerous situation I've ever been in. I've never sincerely had the words "I might die" cross my mind and plant themselves there. But three days ago, in the frigid Pacific ocean, while being tossed to and fro by the waves and the current, it hit me: I had absolutely no control over what was going to happen. I was at the mercy of God and the ocean and it was that thought that makes me weep. Why? Why did the thought of being completely at the mercy of God grip me with fear? Aren't I always at the mercy of God? He can choos...

As I laid my children in bed tonight, I held on to them for an extra minute in a moment of prayer, thanking God for giving me another evening to embrace them. You see, I almost lost them today. It was supposed to be a fun afternoon at the beach. Laura and I wanted to take advantage of the unseasonably warm weather so we packed up the kids and headed to Avila for a little fun in the sun. The clouds and the cold wind should have been our first warning. We hit the sand anyway, not wanting to disappoint the kids. After a short stint of boogie boarding (nine year old Wyatt and his fourteen year old buddy Tim) and seashell searching (Weston (4) and Ben), the gang asked to explore the tide pools. So the group of us headed that way, Laura carrying 9 month old Walker in the front pack, Brayden on my hip, the little boys at our sides. Wyatt and Tim ran on ahead. Now at Avila, just before you get to the tide pools, it becomes necessary to cross a little inlet of water. It w...

I have figured out that there are standard questions that people ask you after major events take place in your life: After engagement: "So have you set a wedding date?" After wedding: "So when are you going to start having babies?" After pregnancy: "So when are you due?" After birth of first child: "So how soon do you want to have your next child?" After birth of second child: "So are you done or do you want more kids?" It's like nobody lets you enjoy the moment you are in and instead they are pushing you to always think about what comes next because there is always something better around the corner. Though nothing is set in stone, I am fairly confident when I tell family, friends, and complete strangers (yep, random people in the grocery store have even asked) that Nathan and I feel complete as a family of four. Even when they question our decision ("Really? You don't want to try for a girl?") I can honestly ...