A Journey to Love

My last post was, um...shall we say a bit...depressing? The truth is, I was not in a good place when I wrote that and I hadn't been in quite awhile. After publishing that entry, I stared at it on my computer screen and finally recognized it for what it was...a cry for help. So that same night I emailed some of my closest friends and laid it all out there. Here is a brief excerpt from that email: "I need a friend. I am desperately lonely, so I am reaching out to you ladies. I know that everyone is busy. We all have children, husbands, and homes that need tending, but personally, in my efforts to take care of those precious things, I am losing myself. So I am putting friendship on the priority list and humbly asking you to be my friend...We all need a little help sometimes. I'm finally putting aside my pride and asking for it. I hope to hear from you soon." Then I waited. For some reason I was so nervous about what the responses would be! I think that everyone wo...

I don't like my three year old. There. I said it. Horrible, isn't it? Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love Benjamin. He is my first born son and I would gladly step in front of a moving vehicle to protect him. I would lay down my life for him in an instant. He is my pride and joy. But right now, in this season we are going through, he is not a joy to be around. He is stubborn. He is prideful. He insists on getting his own way and when he doesn't he yells and screams bloody murder. He runs away from me. He does the exact opposite of what I tell him to do. He pushes my buttons and tests every boundary. Every single day is a battle with him and I just don't know how many days I can keep going to war. I feel like a failure as a mother. I know parenting is hard. I get that. But should everyday be filled with tears, arguments, time-outs, spankings, yelling matches, and threats of punishment? The guilt that weighs on me is immense. I feel like I could drown from t...

Benjamin fell in the toilet today. He forgot to put the smaller portion of the toilet seat down so when he went to do his business, he got a wet surprise. After helping him out and drying his little bottom off, I began to laugh and luckily he saw the humor in the situation as well. Many children would've cried from alarm, but not Ben. Instead he giggled and said, "That was really funny, Mom!" Then something occurred to him. His eyes got wide and he said, "If I fall in again and somebody flushes, I would go all the way down!" I couldn't help myself. I burst out laughing and assured him that there was no way he could ever "go all the way down." I might've worried that my laughter would trivialize his fear, except he began cracking up as well. I just love that Benjamin is so easy going and has a great sense of humor, one of the many great things he inherited from his father.

We went on vacation to Monterey last week...sort of. It would be more accurate to say that 3/4 of the family went on vacation while the remaining 1/4 worked. Brayden, Benjamin, and myself enjoyed all that Monterey had to offer while Nathan went to class each morning. However, by 4:00, he would join us back at the hotel for dinner and evening activities. Some highlights of the trip inlcluded the children's museum, the aquarium, and a great park. We skipped the beach due to the cold and foggy conditions (that's the coast for you), but had some good water play in the hotel's giant jacuzzi. Some lowlights, if you will, would definitely be sharing a room with they boys (causing us all to have an 8:00 bedtime) and having nowhere to escape to when Brayden was crying it out in his crib. The best solution we could come up with was to wheel his crib into the bathroom, turn the fan on, and close the door. He was asleep in three minutes. Hmmm...I wonder if that would work here at hom...

Both boys had their check-up with Dr. Patterson yesterday-Benjamin for his 3 year and Brayden for his 6 month. They were both declared perfect, healthy little boys. Brayden is hitting all his milestones and growing like a champ (like we didn't know that) and Dr. Patterson described Ben as an extremely confident little boy with outstanding social skills. The good doctor also pointed out that about now, Brayden should start thinking his big brother is the most awesome person around and will demonstrate this by laughing at everything he does and watching every move he makes. Nathan and I nodded in agreement, because we have noticed how Brayden lights up the moment Ben enters the room. Nobody can make the little guy laugh like his big brother can. It's definitely a case of hero worship if I ever saw one. How can you not smile at that?