I've missed my little man these last couple of days. No, I haven't been out of town, just out of commission. The stomach flu hit me hard on Tuesday and I was down for the count. My saint of a husband took care of Benjamin (and me) for the last two days so I could get better. I tried to keep my baby at bay so he wouldn't get sick, but it was difficult. Especially since he really wanted me. I mean, how do you resist when your sweet little one year old comes over to you and reaches his arms up because he wants to snuggle with you? (Unless you are trying to read a book...then it's easy to resist. :)
It doesn't help that Benjamin is at the age when he wants Mommy over Daddy. Even though Nathan has been a wonderful, fully involved, hands-on parent, most kids this age prefer their mom, and Ben is no exception. I know that when he gets a bit older he will want to be side-by-side with his dad, working in the garage, driving the tractor (gulp), 4-wheeling (double gulp), and all those other boy things that mom's just don't understand. But right now it is all about Mom, and though it warms my heart that Benjamin wants to be with me, it also induces guilt because he wants to be with me more than he wants to be with Nathan.
For instance, when Nathan puts Benjamin to bed (which he does on occasion, especially this week) Benjamin cries almost everytime when he says goodnight to me and gets carried off to his room by Daddy and not Mommy. I'm pretty sure all three of us feel bad at that moment. Benjamin (for obvious reasons), Nathan because his son doesn't want him, and me for all of the above. There is a part of me that wants to comfort my baby and give in to his request for me to put him to bed (after all, what mother wants her child to be sad?) but another part knows that it is important for Nathan to do it because Benjamin needs to know that daddy's are just as good as mommy's when it comes to bedtime, mealtime, cuddle time, and playtime (in fact, they may be better than mommy's in that area). And he usually only cries for a minute or two anyway.
I know one day I will be blogging about how sad it is that Benjamin prefers Nathan over me. Or perhaps bittersweet is a more accurate term, because even though I will miss having my precious baby by my side 24/7, I will find great joy in watching the relationship between him and his dad blossom into a wonderful friendship that can never be broken.
It doesn't help that Benjamin is at the age when he wants Mommy over Daddy. Even though Nathan has been a wonderful, fully involved, hands-on parent, most kids this age prefer their mom, and Ben is no exception. I know that when he gets a bit older he will want to be side-by-side with his dad, working in the garage, driving the tractor (gulp), 4-wheeling (double gulp), and all those other boy things that mom's just don't understand. But right now it is all about Mom, and though it warms my heart that Benjamin wants to be with me, it also induces guilt because he wants to be with me more than he wants to be with Nathan.
For instance, when Nathan puts Benjamin to bed (which he does on occasion, especially this week) Benjamin cries almost everytime when he says goodnight to me and gets carried off to his room by Daddy and not Mommy. I'm pretty sure all three of us feel bad at that moment. Benjamin (for obvious reasons), Nathan because his son doesn't want him, and me for all of the above. There is a part of me that wants to comfort my baby and give in to his request for me to put him to bed (after all, what mother wants her child to be sad?) but another part knows that it is important for Nathan to do it because Benjamin needs to know that daddy's are just as good as mommy's when it comes to bedtime, mealtime, cuddle time, and playtime (in fact, they may be better than mommy's in that area). And he usually only cries for a minute or two anyway.
I know one day I will be blogging about how sad it is that Benjamin prefers Nathan over me. Or perhaps bittersweet is a more accurate term, because even though I will miss having my precious baby by my side 24/7, I will find great joy in watching the relationship between him and his dad blossom into a wonderful friendship that can never be broken.
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